The Shape Of My Heart: Katawa Shoujo closure

We Can Fly: Shizune

I have dreaded writing about the Shizune route ever since I finished playing it. I felt the most conflicting things about this route, and about Shizune; in the words of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Sam Gamgee, her route takes a week of explaining, or none. I also struggled with the title (one of my fixations), until I remembered the newest Yes release, We Can Fly From Here. The album title is good, the song title - even better.

This route is unlike any other route in KS because, about a quarter in, it becomes The World According To Shizune, a story on its own. I … don’t like people like Shizune in real life. Overachievers and underachievers have a hunter/prey relationship. The former is riding the latter with boots, spurs, riding crop and all, towards their own objectives. It doesn’t matter if it’s more than anyone asks for, or shooting over the Moon: they’re locked on target, and they don’t know how to give up. Or when. And I’ve met quite a few in my life.

The good thing about overachievers is, they often make the impossible, possible. They’re a tremendous force pushing society forward. We probably owe our cozy modern living to them. Zero sarcasm here.

I went ahead and explained about the Act 1 segment of the Shizune path in the previous intermission. Unlike the other routes, Hisao sticks around the two Student Council girls. I mean, what’s the deal with this Shizune gal, she’s so over the top; and where does the Shizune input end, and the Misha input begin? Wouldn’t you be curious? And, let’s face it, they’re rather cute.

So, by a mixture of curiosity and wry amusement, Hisao starts giving them his time voluntarily. There’s never a dull moment when the Council girls need his help, often frogmarching him to the council room. They lure him out for lunch, introducing him to the Shanghai café, where Yuuko the librarian works a second job as waitress. Shizune’s constant attitude of “I double dog dare you” is really out of this world … but she also does things for fun alone, never forgetting to slip a wink and a nudge about the perks of being in the Student Council. When the festival preparations reach crunch time, Hisao ruefully accepts the job and joins the Council. He’s been spending much of his time with Misha and Shizune, anyway. Compared to this, the rest of the year should be manageable.

It’s not a bad choice, as it turns out. The girls are really pumped up about the festival, dragging him all over the place. They want to hit all the game stalls, and compete each other like there’s no tomorrow. It’s like Haruhi and the SOS Brigade invaded the academy; a Haruhi that needs an interpreter. And they replaced Mikuru with Chris Rock.

Like I said before, the Shizune characters is written larger than life. She’s supposed to feel like too much to be true. The lack of direct communication with her – however good Misha is, you’re supposed to doubt her literal translations – makes her a little mysterious. What’s going on behind that intense gaze and snappy attitude? She’s so overbearing, but she’s hardly menacing – is that all Misha, or does she put on an act? Set your IFF to something readable, girl: are you friend, or foe?

Set against this background, the rooftop episode takes on a deeper meaning. When Shizune spreads her hands to say “look at all this”, it’s not hard to read “this is all mine (my doing)”, but it’s also readable as “this is what you helped me build”, ended in a characteristic Shizune imperative: “Seize the day! Enjoy being alive!”. It feels almost like a challenge: “wanna see how far we can go?”. I don’t like this girl but damn if I don’t want to pick up her challenge.

The first step, though, is taking down the language barrier. MIsha is fun and all, but I’d like to ask my own questions without assistance, you know. Still, Misha is the first person to turn to, in case there are sign language classes in school. This little foray for knowledge comes with some extra benefit: I get some genuine Misha piece of mind in the process. So she’s studying to become a sign teacher herself – small wonder she’s so proficient. She’s been Shizune’s “voice” for years now, and the full immersion shows in everything she does – even that loud voice is “professional” when working with the hearing impaired. Well, that rounds up Misha’s character a little, and it’s nice to know she’s not just Shizune’s shadow in a spare body or something.

One aspect of Shizune’s personality seems to have rubbed off on Hisao: the ambition to perform exceptionally. It is unthinkable to Hisao to make a half-assed attempt just for sympathy points; he wants to be almost level  with Misha before Shizune finds out he can “talk” to her directly. He’s getting there, but his secret has been entrusted to Misha … an open book for anyone to read. When the Tanabata preparations overlap with Misha’s remedial classes, she sort of lets it slip to Shizune. For a while now, we have been experiencing “double hearing” (a pun on double vision), [hearing Shizune in sign language] and hearing Misha deliver her lilting translation. There’s quite a bit of Misha defusing the harsher, direct statements of Shizune, going on at all times, because it’s hard to get mad at a bubbly pink haired girl talking too loud and bursting into laughter all the time. Now, it’s time to experience [Shizune talking] to Hisao without a middleman.

Let’s say, it’s like meeting her for the very first time. Shizune is always prepared, like in playing chess, with plans for several moves ahead. Small details come up, about the former Student Council, about why Shizune took over, and about how the less resolute members drifted away (I believe she accused them of being wishy-washy). The talk is prompted by Lilly Satou drifting by the working site where Hisao and Shizune hammer away piecing together the stalls for the coming festival. There’s a funny moment when Hisao has to edit Shizune’s caustic comments to Lilly, and Lilly’s biting remarks to Shizune (she allegedly can’t read lips … but by the end of the game, this is no longer quite true). It’s good to know Hisao doesn’t like to side on personal Issues with Shizune, though he’s leaning more and more towards her side.

Finally being able to talk with Shizune lifts the veil from her motivations, in general. For instance, Shizune likes to troll people hard, to get honest reactions. Just like her very loud knuckle pop, it’s something devised to attract attention. Mute people can’t afford the luxury of making introductory throat noises, or attracting attention through gentler means. They need to capture attention and initiate communication abruptly, phrasing things in unequivocal ways. Shizune has perfected this in her own way, “slapping” people with direct statements that require direct reactions. This way she can classify them against her requirements, into malleable and worth the effort, and dead wood. But – and it’s a relevant “but” – it’s not to promote herself, and she doesn’t give any thought to collateral damage. The Student Council, in Shizune’s opinion, is there to make the school experience enjoyable, and it should aim high at all times to stir a bit of envy. Envy makes people think up bigger and better challenges. Shizune hates wasting effort on dead ends.

The Tanabata festival is the Iwanako point of Shizune’s route, happening way ahead of the arrival of the letter proper. Misha and Shizune dress up for the occasion in traditional yukata, Shizune sporting a big, slightly too mature looking hair pin shaped like a flower. The Council trio has been hanging out a little more than usual lately – partly to compensate for Misha’s absence during the preparations, and partly to fall back in synch. Misha is the first to pick up a difference in the atmosphere of their group: Hisao and Shizune are now conversing openly, sharing a growing mutual knowledge of thought and expression. Hisao feels he may be imposing on the girls’ need to make up for the time spent apart; Misha feels she’s imposing on a budding romance. She takes the first opportunity to leave the two alone, under pretext of visiting Yuuko at the Shanghai. Her instincts prove to be correct: Hisao confesses his love to Shizune, observing the fashion of asking permission to become her boyfriend. Shizune fumbles, blushes, and eventually accepts, turning their romance into an official affair.

Here we come to something really interesting about the game mechanics of Katawa Shoujo. The girls are paired two by two: Shizune with Misha, Emi with Rin, Lilly with Hanako. The first pair has a slightly complicated relationship (i.e. Misha is gay for Shizune; Shizune knows, but she’s not chasing her away because she hates losing a friend over any kind of difference); the other two are conveniently linked by proximity (Emi is Rin’s next door neighbor in the girl’s dormitory, and the same goes for Hanako and Lilly). They have developed bonds of friendship and support during their stay in Yamaku Academy; Hisao’s arrival and emotional entanglement with the girls will put these bonds on a secondary plane after a while. Before that happens, the girls share a number of common events, which show up on the paired paths, regardless of which path you are following. For instance, Emi’s athletic event is common to her route and Rin’s, and so is the rainy picnic proposed by Emi (the girls will take turns in catching a cold because of it). On Lilly and Hanako’s routes, there’s Hanako’s birthday, and the trip to the city to buy her birthday presents; also, Lilly’s first trip to Scotland shows up in both routes. A “secret” relationship between Lilly and Shizune (they’re cousins) makes one event on the “long” Lilly route appear in the Shizune route, albeit under different circumstances. Lilly and Akira stay overnight at Shizune’s family mansion in town. On the Lilly route, it’s on the eve of leaving Japan for Scotland, presumably for good; on Shiuzune’s, it’s also before a trip to Scotland, but it appears to be the first one (the chronology is a little bit shaky, but Lilly is back at Yamaku after a while).

One nice effect of these common events is to imply life is going on for the other characters, even if you don’t interact decisively with them. It’s like the characters have an independent life going beyond the visible scene. The player can gauge how much his interaction is altering the girls’ lives, by noticing all the things that didn’t happen, all the developments that didn’t occur, and how lessened their existence seems if you don’t reach out to them. By showing first how far you can bring them out of their respective shells, it’s disheartening to see them going towards their unexciting appointed fate without a twitch of improvement – and of recognition. There’s a sense of gain from interacting with the girls, of better understanding their characters; all this is lost when you interact with them like friendly strangers. I find it merciful that, what with the pairing I was talking about, you only meet two or three of the other girls outside their own route. Meeting them all as indifferent strangers would be just too much. It’s bad enough as it is.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, look at these two characters:

They’re Lilly’s twenty-something elder sister Akira and her cousin (no, it’s not a Scarlet Macaw). His name is Hideaki. Hideaki is Shizune’s baby brother. Considering they’re related to Lilly, they stay mainly on Lilly and Hanako’s routes(truth be told, no Hideaki on the latter). The most you get to chum with Akira is on her sister’s route, where she takes the unenviable role of harbinger of ill news. She’s the one telling Hisao they’ve been summoned to Scotland, for good. It’s a nasty shock, especially because Lilly already made up her mind to heed the call. Akira herself has to cut ties with her boyfriend to meet the family’s deadline.

(Ah yes, Akira’s boyfriend. What a riot. I think at some point the developers wanted to troll the audience into thinking Akira is a shotacon. A type of pedophile preying on young boys. Akira is quite fond of Hideaki, so on the surface of things, she looks guilty as charged. Besides, there’s a lot of juxtaposition of Akira mentioning her boyfriend (and implying some adult activities) and then showing up with Hideaki. The revelation that they are cousins is played to great humorous effect.)

Back to Shizune’s route, the next big event after Tanabata is meeting Shizune’s family. Shizune, Misha and Hisao are going to spend some time at her family’s mansion in the city. They’re hardly in through the front door when they meet Lilly, Akira and Hideaki. Sparks fly instantaneously; Akira breaks the huddle saying she would like fish for dinner. Shizune turns this into a fishing challenge, and the gang is shortly packing off in the family van towards the nearby riverbank with fishing rods, lures and all. It’s one of the instances of people being sucked into the Shizune Maelstrom, ending in a memorable competition and all around fun for the participants. Considering Lily and Akira are going away to Scotland, it’s not a bad memory to share with everybody.

The next day, it’s “spending time with Hideaki” day. Shizune and Misha are off to charm some business partners of Shizune’s Dad, and Hideaki is in charge of entertaining Hisao. To be honest, I charged through this segment in tl;dr mode. Yeah, Hideaki is a little strange, but he grew up with an asshole for a Dad, no discernible mother, and a very competitive sister. The best thing I can say about him is that he’s harmless, and probably color challenged. By day three, we meet Shizune’s Dad, and he proves to be an antagonizing asshole with a disproportionate ego. He never learned sign language to communicate with his daughter, but he paid private tutors to have her educated to normal standards. He’s probably never admitted being wrong in his whole life. His business card proclaims he’s a “consultant”, but his only skill appears to be rubbing people the wrong way. Well, now we know where Shizune got her boorish ways from. Compared to her dad, she’s not even half as annoying.

It’s easy to miss that Hisaso is gaining cred points with Shizune by standing up to her father. I mean, the old man’s almost asking to be punched in the face. Other girls would worry about it; Shizune, instead, gets horny. She signals Hisao to follow her into the house ([bonus points if you can get Hideaki too]), and they chat a little about Misha’s new haircut (yep, she cut off the drills). A little fumbling with her glass of ice water makes them fall in the old steady “wah, what am I doing on top of you?” position. Still, this is Shizune we’re talking about. It’s not fun if it’s not on her terms. So they don’t have hot monkey sex on the couch, but manage to drift into Hisao’s guest room, and Shizune ties him to the chair first. Just kidding, it’s only his hands that get tied. What follows is covered in your local copy of Kama Sutra, under “sitting facing each other”.

I don’t think I have issues with having a sex scene at that point. If there is something about this kind of game setup, it’s the predictability of circumstances apt to lead to an adult scene. And the scene plays according to Shizune’s personality, always on top. What doesn’t work well here is the lack of a proper mood for such a scene. In the end, Hisao isn’t mad at being, well, raped, technically speaking, because he has this monologue inserted midway about how long it took him to fall for her (about a week). However well executed the scene is, it comes on abruptly, and then it just ends with no consequence. What the deuce, man.

You’d expect to have some mention here about how they become sex friends or something. Nope. Not even a whisper. We’re back in drama mode for the next to last arc of this route: “How we almost lost Misha”. The letter from Iwanako arrives somewhere around this point, but since it lost any significance with regards to plot, it just becomes fodder for a long talk with Kenji, that blasted idiot from across the hall. He goes on and on about his former girlfriend (too long, didn’t read & I don’t even care) while he’s hiding in “my” room to catch the Council girls in the act of delivering the mail. Well, business as usual.

The only big surprise comes at some later point, when Misha shows up on the doorstep, all “abandoned” by Shizune and asking for a little consolation. Joy of joys, there’s finally a multiple choice point in all this reading. But, it’s a trap. Having sex with Misha doesn’t really fulfill any of us. For one thing, Misha doesn’t really swing heterosexual. Before Hisao entered the picture, she confessed and was rejected by Shizune as a sex friend ... but kept around as a friend. For years, she devoted herself to Shizune, becoming her interpreter and sidekick, secretly treasuring every "good job". Now that Shizune can do the same things with Hisao, Misha has to reconsider what she wants to do with her regained independence. She also has to resign, once and for all, any hope of being more than her friend. The specter of separation at the end of the school year looms ever closer. Misha panics at the thought of losing both Shizune and Hisao. Besides, just as Hisao has taken sign language classes, Shizune apparently took some lip reading classes, so our private conversation stops being private real fast. We both try to humor Misha out of her slump, but it’s not really working. What’s even worse, Shizune hates losing anything, friends included. After quite a bit of running around ineffectively, she just gives Hisao the cold shoulder, and it’s time for the fat lady to sing. Bad end, check.

Poor Misha. Even after being paired with Shizune, she’s still a side character without a route of her own. Life just isn’t fair. I know, the script writer never gave her much depth to begin with. She was forever in Shizune’s shadow, ever content to be there. My perception of her character improved a whole lot on this route, though. Talking to her every now and then provided a consistent background and a plausible motivation for always being at Shizune’s side. Besides, she proved to have the heart in the right place when Hisao’s got really close to Shizune. The President – acting President, Treasurer, Secretary and just about everything else on the Council – never had many friends to begin with. Seeing her getting close to not just a genuine friend, but a boyfriend to boot, must have meant a lot to her. She always beat a tactful retreat when she thought we needed to be alone. We just took her for granted, after all. Misha will always be there, just like the Sun and Moon. Me, but mostly Shizune, forgot how long she’s been there already. I could have read the signs – how eager she was to receive Shizune’s little attentions, how Shizune’s needs always overrode her own (to the point of forcing her into remedial classes due to her high absence rate). You can’t have this kind of devotion without love; there’s just no other possible explanation. Misha loves Shizune. Misha likes HIsao for being Shizune’s boyfriend. He makes her happy, he gives her wings to fly. He loves her, and she probably loves him back. There’s no real need for an interpreter between them. The Council has always been Shizune and the occasional gofer flunky; it’s her own gig, top to bottom. It’s just that, in this brave new world, there’s no real need for Misha anymore.

That silly git. Of course we need her. She never stopped being our friend. Shizune may be the main act of the Student Council, but there are no silent partners in there. We are a team. Misha may not know it, but she won my solid respect for juggling all these balls without anyone showing her how. I guess it’s Shizune’s influence rubbing off on her, but Misha has come a very long way on her own, and she will never be the same again. But, all this is rationalization. I just grew to like her, that’s all. She’s a good and caring friend. I’d really hate to lose her. Sure, I’d give her one big hug, just once, just to confirm she’s as soft and squishy as she looks. But sex between us wouldn’t solve anything. It would just damage the trust between us, a guilty secret we’d always have to hide. The short of this long story is, I have to clearly turn her down. We both know better.

Not quite shallow teenager stuff anymore, is it? But then, Shizune’s route has quite a number of not so shallow choices … too bad it’s mainly exposition, and not player interaction. It’s one of the reasons I liked reading this route, but it makes for a crappy game path. It turns out an interesting heroine, but it sinks the game setting as irrelevant – it’s now the Shizune Hakamichi Show, not Katawa Shoujo anymore. And because it turned out like that, having sex with Misha is bad, and nothing will make it right. On the downside of the same logic, not having sex with her solves everything. That's ... more than a little inconsistent.

Still, let's not go away before mentioning that we get the second glimpse at Misha approximately one year ago. We heard from her own mouth about running a soba stall with Shizune and Lilly at the initiative of the old Student Council. We even saw a picture of brown haired Misha sans drills at this occasion. During Misha's depressive spell, we have her recounting the mellow afternoon when she confessed her love to Shizune. For some reason, the scene gave me the warm fuzzies - both the confession itself, and how candid is the whole moment. Reminded me for a moment of Aoi Hana/Sweet Blue Flowers.

The very last arc of this path is the new Student Council election, which seems to have been penned by the author before he walked away. Not much to say about it, it’s a typical episode of Shizune finding it hard to step down from her function of Commander in Chief. She wants her legacy to carry on by recruiting people to her own liking for the coming elections. Clearly, Yamaku isn’t that high strung to have more than one Shizune around at any time; much energy is being spent on making posters, kvetching about ballot boxes, and running around the school putting up the posters (in a moment of enlightenment, Misha thinks up promotional bookmarks for the library, but has to contend with just putting up posters all over the place). In an uncharacteristic moment of parental care, Shizune’s tsundere Dad comes visiting the Council room, acting all stuck up and moronic as ever. For whatever Freudian reasons, the scriptwriter decided it’s sexy time for Shizune again, so in between taking care of business and running Council errands, Hisao and Shizune hit the hot monkey sex button again. In the Council room, after hours. On a desk, to be precise. Once more, I have very little issue with how the scene is written – quite well, for this kind of thing – but it’s so coming from left field, it’s not even funny. One other thing that isn’t funny is that, if sex has become so casual for them, how come this is only the second time they’re doing it? It’s so damn inconsistent. Either this is their twenty-something time doing it, or this is bullshit. And the reason they both felt like getting physical was … because Shizune got the hots? Hisao, my man, you’ve fallen to the function of boytoy. A.k.a. a sex slave at the beck and call of your mistress. Oh the shame.

No, it really is a shame. This is supposedly the story of two people falling in love, among other things. Hisao’s stance is, in all respects, that of a faithful boyfriend. But, no matter how much I rake my brains for it, I can’t remember much confirmation from Shizune. She comes, she sees, she takes; a little thank you now and then wouldn’t kill her.

The next thing that comes to memory during the final days is “us” (Hisao and Shizune) sneaking inside the school after hours in search of Misha. Mikado (funny how rare her real name pops up) is once again having remedial classes with Mutou, a clear sign of having returned to her ambition of going on to a teaching career (there’s even mention further on of a scholarship abroad). Seeing Misha hard at work prompts Shizune into talking about her plans for the future, and Hisao into mentioning his resolve to come back to Yamaku academy as teaching staff. It’s not a “future together” type of plan, but neither is it exclusive of such things. It’s also cute to appreciate that, deep down at the core, Shizune is still a kid. A mighty ambitious one, capable of the brightest dreams, but still a little idealistic and, in her own way, generous. In a way, the path ends here. There’s a coda about the school year ending and the new Student Council coming to pay respect to the old one, and the trio coaxing Yuuko into taking a picture together, but the story is pretty much told. The closing picture is a good one, but I’d rather post this one instead:

All for one, and one for all.

That's Not The Shape Of My Heart: Katawa Shoujo the intermission

There is, I should say, an extra character in Katawa Shoujo. It’s Hisao’s illness, or, I should say, his perception about his illness.

There’s two aspects to his arrhythmia: the physical affection, and the psychological impact. The former is manageable with drugs; it’s the latter that saps his strength most. He thinks:”It’s all over. I will never know happiness again. There’s no hope of getting better, just the hope that I won’t get worse”. He’s on his own, in charge of his own health, but really not hoping for much.

The developers of Katawa Shoujo wanted to stress out this point: depression is bad, indifference is worse. Not managing the physical symptoms means, sooner or later, premature death. To get the point across, they made this happen “sooner”. The specifics are unimportant, the lesson remains: don’t treat chronic disease lightly. Living with a chronic disease needs self management, and that requires constant vigilance. Acting all emo is not an option.

So, in very simple terms, the first adversary Hisao has to beat is his own depression. I’m no expert, but it stands to reason that the first thing to overcome is the phase of denial. From “this isn’t real” to “this can’t be happening to me” to “this can’t be lethal, can it?” and, most importantly “this is unfair, where is may say in all this?”. The first step is accepting the problem is real; one of the most important signs of overcoming the mental block is being able to talk about the problem with strangers. Putting things into words takes some of the fear away, makes the speaker feel like he’s got a handle on things. Being able to talk about it means being no longer mortally afraid of it. It’s the process of putting things in perspective … and accepting other people’s perspective, as well.

In these terms, you can see I wasn’t making empty wordplay with my titles. “Our song” is a reference to the ingenious way of dealing with Hisao’s condition, at the same time with Hanako’s condition. If we’re talking about denial, Hanako is right there with him, not about having the scars but about being unable to have friends because of the scars. There’s some point there – I think it’s during the pool game, but there’s several discreet things before that – where Hanako steps beyond what she’s allowed herself to communicate before. It’s harder to spot the same thing with Hisao, unless you’re playing the Hanako route first of all, but he’s also very reluctant to lay it bare and tell the whole story. For instance, he’s not explaining the importance of Iwanako and her letter to, IIRC, no one else (because I’m counting Kenji on the Shizune route as a big, fat, ZERO). Hisao is doing an instinctive thing trying to draw Hanako out: he accepts talking about his past, offering an equivalent coin for the exchange. The beauty of the concept is that, in the end, it works. Despite the gross mistake he made, it works (in a melodramatic way).

(By the way, this is a parody image - see the watermark)

On the Rin path is next most dramatic victory against depression. Rin’s metaphor about ‘being under water’ is a reference to her own problem – feeling things get away from her grasp. In her own words, she can talk with (and through) her pens and brushes naturally; making art is the only thing she’s always been capable of doing right. Now, there’s people challenging her expression with questions of “what is the message/meaning of this/that piece”. Artists really have specialized areas on the brain work to the detriment of others, the ability of imagining things subtracting from the ability of conceptualizing things in words. Rin’s best explanation for art is making more art. She can feel there are certain expectations from her, especially from Nomiya, who wants to see progress, breakthrough. The current (art of) Rin, for other people, is showing promise, but it needs more; the current Rin feels there is nothing more to give now, and no way of making people understand. It’s a sensation of stifling, of slipping away and under while the world carries on in incomprehensible ways. The thing is, nobody understands where her art comes from, and she can’t really explain it. Emi is really not equipped to understand it; in her simplistic world, you do things because you can, and challenge things you can’t do. Emi can run, so her purpose is to run; Rin can paint, so her purpose is to keep painting. When a challenge comes along, Emi can keep training until she can run faster; when RIn faces a challenge, she can … what? Paint faster? Train more? Nomiya believes in training, but with Rin, he thinks she’s already past mastering basic techniques. And still he’s bringing her the biggest challenge, a personal exhibition, because in some way he’s as simplistic as Emi: he thinks performance comes from lots and lots of work.

Then, along comes Hisao, looking about as bad as Rin feels. And, perhaps because misery loves company, he sticks around, and seems to grow on her. Even Emi likes him. He’s sort of cool to hang out with, and he can take a joke. He just looks down all the time, like he’s forgotten how or why to smile. He knows how to listen, and he knows how to keep quiet. He seems to be smart, but he’s not beating anyone over the head with his smarts. Say, if he sticks around, maybe he can listen and help, unlike the Worry Tree. Unlike Emi, he may understand these are worries for the future, not the right now. Emi never thinks of the future. And worrying seems right up his alley.

Hearing about Rin’s problem, Hisao has a small epiphany. He’s been following the path of least resistance, hanging out with people who search him out or might need his help. But he’s sinking slowly, drifting away without aim of purpose. His thin connection with things is his interest in Rin‘s art. Well, more like his interest in Rin. Rin’s art is like making slow magic. Her talent is so out there. As a matter of fact, Hisao is convinced Rin has the strength to beat her own problem.

The “physics” of the game are inverted in this path, with Iwanako’s letter coming really early, so it falls a little ahead of the turning point it’s supposed to mark, not slightly after. The effect is still the same: the past is behind and will never come back. There’s no sense in clinging to it. Clean the slate, hey-ho, let’s go. This way, when Nomiya brings his challenge to Rin, Hisao sees an opportunity for her … and a way of contributing to things himself. It’s selfish, but it’s bringing a sense of implication, of helping things become as they should be. He’s a man on a mission. Rin’s tense behavior takes him back a little, but with several things happening – Emi’s rainy picnic, the makeup hug on the roof, dopey Rin taking too much cold medication – he sees that he started to close the distance a little, and maybe Rin has come a bit closer too. Partly out of a conscience attack, partly out of care, he sees himself more like Rin’s minder and close friend, and she becomes his main worry.

It’s like victory by default, because Hisao gives up his worries to take upon himself Rin’s worries. He truly becomes devoted to her, and his world starts revolving around her being. He will struggle a bit to find his place in this new relationship, but I think he’s finding his reward in the end. His heart disease becomes largely irrelevant, just like Rin’s lack of hands. Sure, it’s still there, but what of it? There’s bigger things at hand (ha ha), like … happiness. Warmth. Things to do together.

The most direct approach to beating the shadow of his disease comes, as expected, on the Emi route. Emi is a little dynamo of a girl, packing a disproportionate amount of energy in that little toned body of hers.  If she’s going anywhere, she’s running there. She’s overbearingly positive all the time; not the sharpest tool in the shed, but a truly loyal friend. Getting to know her means being infected by her optimism. Even Rin seems more lively around Emi. She has like a gravitational pull of her own, shedding impulse to anyone getting closer to her.

She’s not hard to get involved with. She is there to help a more health conscious Hisao do something about his physical state. Like any sports enthusiast, she is a little too demanding. That will precipitate a little crisis really early on, but this way the cards are laid on the table quickly. Emi finds out about the heart arrhythmia, and trying to hide it becomes a non-issue. From here on, it’s full cooperation with her health program, which means seeing the head nurse about every working day. That takes care of medical aspects … until her Emi-ness rubs on Hisao and he forgets to take his pills. Despite that, there is no shadow of doubt nor lack of management with regards to the heart condition. The only heartache left is the good kind that brings healing and closure.

Now, using Emi as a median line, we get to the two routes based on self empowerment: Lilly and Shizune. Up till now, it was up to Hisao’s mood to like or dislike the girls, and throw his lot with them. Emi is an option easy to follow, and she is inspirational up to a point (and her stubbornness is “moe”). With Lilly and Shizune, Hisao is aiming higher than his station, and it shows.

With Lilly, he is impressed by her gentle grace and demeanor. She is inspiring his sense of pride and he tries to emulate her gentleness and responsibility. Being with her is bringing out the best in him – I feel this is closest to the Hisao of before the accident, if not better. And at one point, they start feeding on each other’s presence, until they fall in nearly perfect synchronization. At that point (let’s call it the Iwanako point), Hisao has nearly forgotten his illness – the psychological shadow, not the physical discomfort. The physical illness remains very much manifested on the Lilly route, because it’s part of the plot hook. Lilly will only confess her love after Hisao overexerts himself and nearly drops unconscious. However, this is a strong Hisao, eager to live, eager to share his feelings with Lilly. His medical setback is of low consequence, and turns into a spectacular good development (just an afterthought, I think I read something related in Bread Upon The Waters). Spurred by love, he really starts planning for the future, and not even the oncoming crisis (Lilly’s impending leaving for Scotland) will derail him from his plans. And, I might add, I felt heartened by Hanako’s surprising development by entering the newspaper club. That Hanako cannot be met anywhere outside the Lilly path, and is a living testament to Lilly’s influence on others.

I discussed Hisao’s final gamble elsewhere, but that was really well played. A little on the illogical side, like any extreme act of love, but what a delivery.

Shizune is the other lady inspiring Hisao to better himself on his own accord. Where Lilly stops to consider, Shizune moves in to conquer. Their personalities are different, but they share a common trait: ambition. Lilly allows for personal differences, and isn’t too keen on forcing other people into work they wouldn’t like doing. Shizune is like [CONQUER ALL THE ENEMIES!] (“Really, Sicchan? Wa-ha-ha-ha!”).

Joking aside, Shizune is quite something else. The beginning of her route is familiar ground, her and Misha trying to recruit Hisao into the Student Council. It’s a little scary at first, what with Shizune making everything into a competition, or a wager, or something that has to be won or lost. Nothing really stands out on her path in Act 1 as much as the fireworks moment. Hisao has been having a bit of a hard time due to his heart condition while trying to dunk the bottles and win a second cat plushie for Misha. The effort caught up with him and he had to admit defeat. And then, the three of them went on the roof to get a better view, and Misha fell asleep. Just when the fireworks were about to begin, Hisao went into a blue study, and Shizune did a very effective bit of pantomime, telling him to enjoy this as something well deserved. You can almost hear the crypt of Hisao’s past slide shut right there.

(Ha ha, very funny, Photoshop monkeys. That was supposed to be fireworks.)
Somewhat like Emi, Shizune needs to be chased after. The first order of business is communicating with her (I’m thinking Blackadder’s The Queen of Spain’s Beard here). Hisao finds out from Misha about sign language classes; fortunately, Misha’s also studying sign (for a teaching career), so she can refer him and keep it secret from Shizune. Hisao wants to be fluent in sign language before he can let her know. The secret is blown by the time they work together on the stalls for the Tanabata festival. From here on, we “hear” Shizune herself, with all the nuances lost in MIsha’s translation. A lot of things fall into place; but perhaps the most important is that Shizune thinks, if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing BETTER. Because doing things better is inspirational, and it can awaken the competition instinct in others. That’s Shizune, a vortex wanting to pull people into her world, because in her world things are happening, inertia is taking a beating, people are moved. Hisao is on the path of discovering an unexpected new person, the inner Shizune.

The rest is up for telling in the Shizune segment. Here, I will mention that Shizune’s energy is rubbing off on Hisao. He is fueled by an ambition, the ambition of being her equal. That don’t mean he becomes as pushy as her, but the inert and moody Hisao is now a thing of the past. He’s motivated, he’s become even closer than Misha to her, he’s behind her every action. The old Hisao would have made a horrible mess of consoling Misha; the new one will find a way to smooth things between Misha and Shizune, when the former starts feeling like a fifth wheel. Sure, the rest of the path has some weak links, but in the last picture, we have three winners, and not just any old Student Council.

The Shape Of My Heart: Katawa Shoujo 2 (the second flood)

I’m Running: Emi

(just in case you were wondering, these are song titles from the Yes albums Big Generator and 90125)

I jokingly told someone on a forum that Emi only has one flag in Act 1: you have to try and keep up with her. It’s funny, because reaching the good end with her is like that. You chase after Emi until she lets you reach her. There’s just one big hurdle, and all it takes is not giving up.

Emi is like the most straightforward path of the game. You get the basic facts quite early: she was in an accident and lost her legs through amputation, she got into running at her father’s prodding and she kept running because of him, but he don’t seem to be around after the accident. She’s tenacious and stubborn, which is why the nurse keeps an eye on her – to keep her from abusing her no-legs. It’s not hard to piece things together. And that big tease of a mother she has is pretty transparent about it.

The Emi route is by no means short, but it’s pretty linear. Hisao takes an interest in getting back in shape. He starts doing morning runs with Emi, first to get in shape, then to spend time with Emi, and finally to let her know he won’t stop chasing her … in a good way. Emi is the fastest thing on no-legs. She has this look on her face when sprinting – like she’s putting everything behind her, leaving worries behind. As Hisao gets more and more wrapped up with her, he finds out this is real in more ways than one. Emi is running to prove herself nothing important was lost in the accident. If she can prove herself that, again and again, she is able to go on without regrets. Except there are natural regrets, all part of the natural process of grieving and healing, and instead of accepting them and moving on, she’s been running in ever shrinking circles from her issues.

That’s about it, really. With Emi, things always lean towards the positive. When they don’t, she tries to will them into a positive shape – like that picnic in the rain, or her leg infection, or even the aftermath of that shed experiment that had 4chan so riled up. “It’s a good thing I’m in a wheelchair. This way I won’t have to explain the nurse why I’m walking funny”. Yep, it’s probably the first thing you thought just now.

Still, being with Emi is fun, and refreshing. The only cloud is her stubbornness – she won’t let people fuss over her, or act like she needs help. It’s all that festering wound – psychologically speaking – that she whitewashed over. Nothing of value was lost. Not her legs, not her mobility, and especially not her father. Oops, cat’s out of the bag. But, like the proverbial skeleton in the closet, it has a tendency to spill out unexpectedly. When Hisao is invited over to her house, he can’t help asking. He can’t help caring for her. And no matter which way he goes about it, they get in a fight and she kicks him out of the house.

The Emi route really has little in options, because there is so little conflict (what with Emi being so positive all the time). Here comes the only crucial choice. It’s natural to feel down and angry, but there’s only two choices anyway: you keep chasing after her, or you give up. If you give up, whoosh, it’s all gone. All the good times, all the fun you shared, it’s like it never happened. But, if you can buckle up and keep going, it’s all about to come unwrapped. When she opens up, you will understand why it was so hard. And, at the end of a good emotional purge, there’s a big reward waiting, and you don’t want to miss that.

Our Song: Hanako

(I briefly entertained the idea of calling it Love Will Find A Way 2)

I think the Hanako route has the best concept of all KS … but I’m not happy with the execution. This is entirely subjective, you understand – my first opinion about the writing is a word starting with ‘ju’ and ending with a river in North Africa. I’m not saying it’s bad; I’m saying it’s not the best treatment it could get. It’s too schematic towards the end, even if it captures the right spark of emotion. Something happened with the best part of the story, because it didn’t make the final cut.

All this bitching aside, this route is made up to 40-45% of events taken from the Lilly route, seen from a slightly different angle.

To explain this a little, Act 1 is made of a number of events that introduce the cast: being corralled by Shizune and Misha into the Student Council room and playing Risk (playing aggressively will raise the Shizune flag, and close the Lilly-centric routes); looking for the library and meeting Lilly; finding the library and introducing yourself to Hanako (raising only one of the many flags necessary to ‘get’ Hanako); looking for Misha’s festival supplies and meeting Rin in the art club room; being bumped into by Emi, and taking a morning run with her (racing with her will raise her flag, and close all other routes); having lunch with Emi and RIn on the rooftop; meeting Lilly, and then Rin, on the late evening shopping trip to town (being too cavalier about Hisao’s illness will trigger the ‘manly breakfast’ scenario for the festival day). Act 1 ends with the cultural festival day & night, and depending on the route you’ve ended on, it’s spent in the company of the girl you will fall for during Act 2. Shizune will take all over the festival grounds; Lilly will be busy with a food stand half the day, and spend the other half in the tea room with you (Hisao); Hanako will spend the day in the library, playing chess with you, and joining Lilly and you on a trip to the Shanghai café in town; Emi will be on your case about keeping a healthy diet, blocking your food splurge; Rin will be so tired after marathon-painting the mural, she will spend the day propping a wall and dozing, and you will join her. The manly whiskey breakfast is a bad ending, putting Hisao out of his misery right there.

The Lilly and Hanako routes have common flags (meaning you avoid impressing Shizune, don’t race Emi, and side with Lilly when Shizune blows her top about that budget report), up to the evening before the festival. If you choose going to town, the Lilly route opens up; if you choose going to the library, the elusive Hanako route becomes your yellow brick road. (Speaking of elusive routes, I ended on the ‘secret Rin route’ by starting on the Shizune path and not siding with Lilly in the conflict, IIRC).

Having played the Lilly route, I could appreciate all the path crossings, but I felt a little let down by Lilly’s elegant reserve in dealing with Hisao. It’s good to be Lilly’s friend, but it’s outright pedestrian compared to being her boyfriend. It really is a huge difference in charm, but the logic behind it is obvious – you’re not supposed to hit on her best friend when you’re nominally chasing Hanako. However, Lilly’s benevolent shadow falls over most of her path, and she even offers you sound advice (if a little coming out of left field) at a crucial point (beware of negative flags, yo). She’s discreetly pushing you both together without being too obvious. First, she asks you to accompany Hanako on a shopping trip to town (and you find out Hanako is making cooking attempts). Then she asks really pointed questions in the cafeteria and, after passing some positive judgment on your behalf, calls you over for tea in their room, after hours. She comes up with the birthday present idea, which is a common event with her route, except this time it’s just you and her (and no Akira and Hideaki). While you visit the same antique shop as in her route, she drops another piece of the Hanako puzzle: she likes porcelain dolls. Only, this time, the other gift is a chess set, and it’s also for Hanako. And she cooks up the trip to the jazz club where you end up shooting pool with Hanako (and you also find out she’s enjoying other things than chess). When it comes down to it, Lilly is the enabler for the little revelations about Hanako, which makes sense, since Lilly has been her friend way longer than Hisao, and she’s a little slow to open up. And speaking of opening up …

It’s been at least a week since I played this route, and I’m still mad. Hanako being a little childish, and giving up a little about herself in a I-show-you-mine-you-show-me-yours game during the pool match was OK. She’s starving for friendly interaction, I can buy that. Doing the same trick a second time on the downtown café terrace is, let’s say, Hisao following up with a stratagem that worked before. But I RESENT deeply how the same thing is played the third and final time. That’s inconsistent logic, even if it’s played like ‘one thing leading to another’. I can NOT agree with Hanako being not innocent, but dumb. Even if it leads to a plot major point, the words ‘jumping the shark’ keep coming to mind. Or I might retreat into calling it juvenile again.

Well then, back to my impressions. It is obvious Lilly has been nudging us closer, one step at a time, easing Hanako into social interaction that doesn’t involve just her, Akira and classmates. She went in small steps, proceeding only after positive results. Hisao finally gets it, but he makes a dreadful mistake by assuming Hanako will play along with just anyone. And … there’s a much bigger assumption he makes, which isn’t supposed to be overturned until the very end, so I’ll leave it alone for now. Anyway, bringing Hanako into a study group with Shizune and Misha (who are on their best helpful behavior) is the straw that broke the camel’s back. There is a mitigating factor for Hisao here – he knows nothing of Hanako’s yearly depression around her birthday, so he steps right onto that landmine. And, let’s face it, Shizune (judging by appearance alone) is a pushy and demanding person, and Misha has all the grace of a rhino breaking into a china shop. Hanako just folds under so much attention, and has a good old fashioned catatonic nervous breakdown. In class. In front of her new found best friend Hisao. Welp, so much for unassisted (and misdirected) help.

Of course, this is also crisis for the sake of crisis. On each route, Hisao does something to blow it, big time. With Lilly, it’s being too proud to ask her to reconsider going to Scotland. With Rin, it’s acting like an ass when she bolts out of the gallery on the opening night. With Emi, it’s not having patience to let her deal with the past at her own pace. Here, it’s feeling disappointed that Hanako can’t open up to other people like she opened up to you. Way to miss the essential detail, asshole. Anyway, once a tension point has been established like that, it’s easy to insert a fork in the road. A splitting of ways. A choice nexus. You get the point. HIsao has to (rather theatrically) gauge his position with the girl he’s chasing, and tip over the point of no return, or stay an asshole and lose her. It’s part of the VN formula.

Back in the narrative flow, it’s Lilly to the rescue again. She finally breaches the issue of Hanako having a hard time dealing with people around her birthday, a little too late. She also has to bring up her trip to Scotland (another common event with her own route), so it only makes sense to move the party plans to an earlier date. We go see Hanako in her room, where we find her at the second most fragile moment of the whole game. But, instead of Hanako throwing a tantrum … or shutting us out … she is willing to communicate, at least a little. A day later, she’s enough over it to suggest we have a game of chess when I come visiting. And, just like in Lilly’s route, Akira brings booze to the birthday party … and Hanako gets positively smashed on it. Considering she’s trying to put the class incident behind, she needs a little help like that. It’s also meant to summon a little courage for the clumsy pass she makes at Hisao when he takes her to her room. Hisao at least remembers to act like a gentleman, and not make KS any trashier than it already is.

(Whoever wrote the scenario also leaves a hook here … if Hanako really likes Hisao, she will make a more effective pass the second time. Still, considering how their relationship goes back in low(er) gear right after, that’s bullsh@*t.)

Maybe it’s time at this point to talk a little about that nifty plot device called Iwanako’s letter. It’s an object of little consequence outside of the Lilly route – and not even there. Iwanako is the girl Hisao has been trying to confess his love to, right when he had his first heart attack. She’s a figurehead for Hisao’s normal, healthy past; receiving her letter in any route is supposed to mean that Hisao has finally accepted the change in his life. He starts every route by feeling depressed for having his life changed so dramatically, perhaps even shortened considerably. He’s feeling sorry for himself, and not very excited about this new school. Meeting disabled kids every day is driving home the notion that his condition is irreversible. Besides, he’s a city kid, and this school feels remote and isolated up on its hill. It’s up to external influence – meeting and getting involved with the girls – to motivate him into adapting to his new life, and finding other dreams worth living for. So, at one point, this memento of the past arrives, and he finds out he doesn’t give much of a damn anymore. Iwanako has the decent idea to release him from what was before, and Hisao takes stock of his new life to find it much improved over his first days at this school. In the Lilly route, he also uses it to take stock of his relationship with her, and he feels free to pursue his love for Lilly, now that the past is clean out of the way.

During the pool game, Hisao and Hanako play their truth or dare game, by talking about their past. It’s easier to talk about the past now that Iwanako’s letter has provided a bit of perspective, and it’s time to get a little perspective on Hanako, too. Is she just shy in dealing with other people? Why is a burn mark several years old keeping her back like that? And why is she opening up to Hisao, and Hisao alone, on some things not even Lilly knows about? See, with the right questions, the hints should gather into an image … but trying to be overprotective is a big temptation. Still, there are the little facts: when she ventures out of her shell, Hanako is competitive, ambitious, and even jealous (of Yuuko, who plays her biggest role on this path). There’s even some repressed aggression in there. Would such a girl want to be treated like a fragile and broken thing? Well, gee, isn’t hindsight always 20/20?

So Lilly has to go away to Scotland, leaving a depressed Hisao and a sad Hanako at the school gates. Should he provide her with the comfort of his company, or bug out and wallow in feelings of inadequacy? He’s a kid falling in love, of course he should try hanging out with her a little. Then, regular as any annual thing, the much dreaded birthday comes around, and Hanako takes her first day off … and the second. What else might Hisao think, but to tap the ever resourceful Lilly for some advice? The mindful player should remember Lilly has been around Hanako way longer; there’s a bonus advice for self improvement laying that way. Then, there’s the self sufficient route of trusting Hisao’s judgment. Remember what happened last time he did that? If you don’t, sucks to be you. Hanakozilla will tear a painful hole into you, and it’s curtains, Rocky.

Back when I first played through the route, I didn’t notice how I’ve planted not one, but two seeds of doubt in Hanako’s soul, first being caught talking to Yuuko (and craning my neck to look after her), and then offhandedly mentioning I’m writing to Iwanako. Way to spook the only jealous girl in the game. And the very next day, Hisao’s gets the notion to show her the surgery scar on his chest. The first domino tile falls in the chain supposed to justify the first (and only) honest lovemaking event on this route. The scriptwriter remembered there’s some loose ends (and the whole thing needs a little getting in the mood) so, like, really out of the blue, both Hisao and Hanako happen to go to the city on the same day and meet up at the downtown café (where he’s taken Lilly previously). It’s a nice moment, but it’s really grafted there like an extra thumb or something. The scene is just filling a gap: there's Hanako confessing that she's avoiding people because she doesn't like them, about life in the orphanage, and about having a pitifully small social circle, as testified by her phone contact list. So the forms of friendship are observed by exchanging email addresses. On a whim, Hisao buys her a little phone charm shaped like a flower. Aww, how cute. Doesn’t this sound like foreplay?

NOPE, IT DOESN’T. But that didn’t stop the scriptwriter from throwing them at each other the next day. I can make a short list of why this development might sound valid to a young person, but invalid to an adult: Hisao and Hanako are kids, and kids are hormonal; he’s falling for her; she likes being with him, even appeared to make a pass at him while drunk; they’re finally past the awkwardness of not knowing each other. And she feels her position as his girlfriend is menaced by other girls, like Yuuko or Miki Miura, who don’t have to hide scars (well, Miki does) like her. Also, they’re alone, and they’re using a quid pro quo game to egg each other into revealing things about themselves. Ah, and he’s wearing protection. Still, as an adult, I’ll say this won’t wash. The reasoning is full of holes, and I don’t think Hisao’s libido can account for things jumping so quickly off the rails.

Having a cringing moment with the previous scene still works in favor of the script. It’s an ugly and empty feeling when getting intimate with a friend only seems to drive you apart. Hisao starts questioning if he didn’t just take advantage of a delicate moment. He’s, in short, lost. Having sex set their relationship back by a mile or two. So he once again summons his gentlemanly ways, and calls her out in the town park. And here, it’s time for the ugly assumptions game to end, and the truth to surface. Yes, they rushed into sex because Hanako thought he would leave her. Yes, he kept pushing himself on her because he thought she needed to be protected. Yes, Hanako thought there is no such thing as real friendship, just people who grow tired and walk away. Yes, he didn’t think of hurting her, but he did anyway. I might add, yes, communication is when people ask relevant questions and listen carefully to the answers. Young ones somehow manage to make a lot of talk-like noise and still fail to communicate (/over 40 bitching). The pretenses are melting away. There’s some appropriate moments of crying and forgiving, and things get settled on a more true, solid base. Swell, and?

And she gives him the first kiss, and the credits roll. Wa-ha-ha-f$#k you, as Misha would say. Like I suggested, something happened with the best part of this route, and it didn’t make the final cut. What was that Muppet Waldorf and Statler routine? “It was terrible!” “It was cringe worthy!” “It was … short?” “WE LIKED IT!”

Yeah, I liked it, but only barely. I enjoyed the emotional ride but I didn't enjoy the execution.

(WIP)

The Shape Of My Heart: Katawa Shoujo

I just finished the last route of Katawa Shoujo, the ‘much dreaded’ Shizune route. Much dreaded by me, at least. There was – by hearsay – negative reaction on 4chan too, but I never bothered to check.

Katawa Shoujo was started as a tribute … or shall we call it challenge? to the Japanese VN form. It was started as a 4chan pet project approximately 5 years ago. Just to dispel any ambiguity, the people involved met on 4chan – it was a collective project, but ‘collective’ doesn’t mean including Skippy, Skippy’s dog and his Mom. People came and people went away during the five years of intermittent development, which means no one character is entirely the work of only one person. Writing the five path scenarios (once again according to the Internet grapevine) was allocated by drawing lots. I guess what I’m driving at is that KS is truly a collective work, falling within my definition of fan work – not a single concept from one author, but a shared bubble of concepts with different authors following a chosen form.

The original core of developers decided to put the protagonist – called Hisao Nakai – in the setting of a special boarding school for disabled kids. Since he had to belong there, they thought a heart condition would meet both the conditions of sudden onset (in the end they chose heart arrhythmia, a condition that can go unnoticed amidst the growing pains of adolescence) and chronicity (he’s supposed to stay sick to a certain degree, making it easier to empathize with the other students). Naturally, he's supposed to meet there the gamut of game paths/potential love interests/girls, each defined by a specific disability: a deaf-mute girl (Shizune); a blind girl (Lilly); a girl with disfiguring burns (Hanako); a double leg amputee (Emi); an armless girl (Rin). The deaf-mute imposed the need of an interpreter, whom they decided to include among the characters – and thus pink-haired, bubbly and loudspeaker extraordinaire ‘Misha’ Mikado became part of the gang. 

VNs, just like normal literature, allow the players to experience romance vicariously as the main character in an interactive novel format. In one of my previous attempts at a general definition, a VN is supposed to exploit script ramifications deriving from a. unfamiliarity with the story settings and characters, or b. tension points of the narrative. The two principles overlap when you have to gauge your best options with (fictional) people in situations that could swing either way, drawing you closer or setting you on a divergent path.

The large majority of VNs I’ve encountered are romance-driven. That means ‘you’ (the protagonist) are supposed to get romantically involved with the members of the cast, towards a rewarding ending (good or true end) or a kick-in-the-nuts bad ending. Still, when I say ‘romance’, I don’t mean the classic, ‘happily ever after’ kind of romance, but the paperback modernistic abortion of random meetings, sudden (sexualized) romance and inevitable parting of ways. Also, according to Internet wisdom, the massive bulk of VNs are coming of age romance, so what’s at the other end of the tunnel is the beginning of adult life and adult responsibilities. That kind of wraps the ‘inevitable parting of ways’ requirement.

If such mention was still necessary, these VNs are set in a high school environment. I don’t think I have to address why the VN creators follow that formula, but I might take a pot shot at why their intended audience likes it that way. I guess that’s because we didn’t have such a glorified high school experience. We were through with high school before being aware it’s supposed to be fun, too. I think the only people who ‘lived the dream’ of high school romance were too busy playing football, hooking up and sexing up their friends, instead of reading about it.

The other thing involved in playing VNs is a more general affair. See, living vicariously through other people, especially fictional people, means playing things safe. On one hand, you’re behind a proxy, so there’s no possible harm in taking chances. On the other, you’re not losing any prestige/face in being emotionally involved. In fact, sentimental resonance with fictional characters is not only expected, but even encouraged (if only to humor literature professors in class). So it’s a win-win situation.

(A third fact is that somebody else is driving, i.e. there’s no hassle with making decisions … up to a point).

Or, if you want a bit of philosophical-literary comment: have you ever stopped to consider how much of your literary diet consists of loss and redemption stories?

The sensation of loss is not a unique, limited-to-humans experience; what sets us apart from other living beings is our coping strategy for loss. That big, beautiful knowledge engine called the human brain has applied its most vaunted intellectual tools, inductive and deductive logic, to find out where did this beast come from, where’s it hiding, and how can we smoke it out of there and kill it.

Joking aside, loss is up there with the most universal human experiences, rubbing shoulders with pain and curiosity. There isn’t any one person that hasn’t experienced several instances of loss, not just during the whole lifetime, but within a single day. We apply this sensation to countable and uncountable things, objective and subjective items, real objects and potential things. It’s not rocket science: you have something, then you don’t have it anymore.

What always fascinated the human mind was the particular case of loss of choice. Every conceivable event ever has a simple binary switch: 1 – it happens; 0 – it doesn’t. Similarly, every possible action can be taken or not. Loss of choice happens when one of the binary choices becomes unavailable. Some external factor forces the issue and one of the paths can no longer be followed. The human peculiarity is that we applied the wonderful instrument of logic to extrapolate the magic moment which is the last contiguous instance with both choices available. The very next moment, one choice is arbitrarily removed. From this moment, human mind has further extrapolated the mystical last moment where loss of choice could be avoided – let’s call it the fate switch. See how nicely we made up a concept to cope with loss? Fate is the turning point of any event going irreversibly and immutably on a path with no other alternatives. Which is why we instinctively fear “fate” – it’s a terminator line.

Now, to the other half of our formula – redemption. Human nature has long known itself to be pretty hung up on loss. We’re not taking it too well. Further exploration has shown us that there are two options and a dead end in coping with loss: roll with it; deal with it; wallow in it. The former means being prepared and accepting loss; the latter means active opposition to loss or its effects; wallowing is a shit choice, let’s not talk about it ever again (see what I did there?).

Now, redemption can be achieved through both the active coping strategies. “Redemption” is a loaded word due to its multiple meanings and, while what I’m aiming for here is the meaning common with “recovery”, I am mighty pleased to let the spiritual meanings overshadow it. The recovery I have in mind comes after considerable struggle to find a workaround for those – remember? – lost choices. Losing a choice doesn’t automatically mean losing a path. Redefining your approach to a path blocked by loss of choice is a process of self-discovery and personal reevaluation; the sense of personal (spiritual) gain is very strong, often proportional to the adversity encountered. In plain English; no pain, no gain.

Well, then. I believe you can connect the dots: loss, choices, redemption. It’s not just the formula of almost every VN out there, but the specific formula of Katawa Shoujo as well. It starts with loss, it follows with taking choices, it ends with redemption.

“The action has to be set against the looming menace of graduation. To keep the script reasonably short, let’s give it span about a year or less. That means Hisao must transfer – and have his heart attack – somewhere around his third year of high school. Throw in a hospital stay of four to six months, tops. And we have to have some common (school-wide) events for our routes, so the best time frame would be between spring and summer. This way, we can drive Hisao from the low end of getting out of hospital with a grim, lifelong condition and being transferred to a completely new environment, to a high end of rallying his resources to meet the future, accepting this new environment, and getting a steady girlfriend. Well, the girlfriend is optional. Let’s keep it trashy, meeting-sexing-parting. But he needs a girl to help him get his feet underneath and thinking of the future.”

Before going further with reverse engineering KS (not really, it kills all the fun), let’s make a certain plot point clear. The girls represent the challenges of this environment. That means they’ve been here a while now, and are at various stages of coping with things, but they already came through the thick of it. That’s a major plot point. This way, Hisao will need them more than they need him, but they will affect each other anyway, even if there is no ‘ever after’.

Well, I think I have my thumb here on what makes KS a good and touching story. The average VN is more about the journey than the destination (remember, no ‘ever after’). Hooking with the girls will change their lives for ever. Protagonists, on the other hand, don’t change much between beginning and end. Except, Hisao does change.  KS is good because the healing is often mutual.

And now, let’s get down to the brutal part of personal opinions.

I played the routes more or less in the order of personal preference … and hivemind influence. Back when I first played Act 1, I rated Rin as the most interesting girl, Emi as the most accessible, Lilly as the most relaxing. Hanako was a bit of a non-entity in Act 1, like an afterthought on Lilly’s route. And I think I stayed the hell away from the Shizune route. When the whole game was released, as I was browsing 4chan (waiting for the game to install), I saw someone recommend going to town for the ‘best girl route’. It’s where Lilly’s route is branching from the ‘meet the cast’ chain of events. So I thought to myself, why the hell not? There were Lilly screenshots everywhere, and I liked what I was seeing. In the end, I trusted the word of strangers in chosing the first girl … but it was a rewarding choice.

Love Will Find A Way: Lilly

Lilly is THE young woman of the KS ‘harem’. She’s level headed; she’s capable; she’s got an excellent handle on her resources. She even plans for the future. And she’s a lot of fun to be with – she has all these quirks like not getting along with Shizune, liking her glass of wine, calling out Hisao on small things of etiquette. And, if you stop to consider it, despite being blind, she takes Hisao to the farthest places (I mean, even Miss ‘Let’s Get Physical’ Emi takes him no further than the next town … to her own home). She is lively, she is funny, she’s a little motherly, she’s a very good friend to Hanako, she has great taste in clothes (man, those pajamas; and the Chinese dress!). She’s independent. The only sour note is a past she’s not comfortable with, and a family that treated her as a blight on their status.

With a girl so well adjusted, there’s not much healing left to do. Of course, Hisao is enabling her to challenge her condition more and more, but she’s quite set on her course. For most of her route, you’re totally riding her wave, dude. And then, to quote a Van Halen song, love comes walking in … hand in hand with sex. Fortunately, this is very touching (har har), and before long you find out she likes to indulge in her pleasures, like any healthy woman would.

And right when you think you’ve got the future by the proverbial short hairs, that past of hers comes waltzing back like a bad joke. The family who dumped her and her resourceful sister Akira in a Catholic boarding school (like d’oh, she’s wearing a crucifix) suddenly decides to acknowledge her, and summons her to Inverness, Scotland. Of course, she could choose not to go. That was the most frustrating moment of her route, when she drops everything to bridge the gap with her estranged family. I couldn’t help blaming her for cutting our tie so out of the blue. And she’s too composed to say she is sorry. God f#@*ing dammit, I raged. Then I went back to see what could have been done better. And, suddenly … paper crane. The good end path opened up. It went up with hope, it came down with despair … it stalled in the pits of self pity. And then, again, Lady Fortune played a little tune, and Katawa Shoujo came this close to offering a ‘happily ever after’.

But, I’m still mad. The difference between bad end and good end feels thinner than a hair, and yet in one you never see each other again, and in the other you’re so obviously committed to each other. Oh, hang on. Committed. What did Hisao do, besides falling in the street and thinking he was dying like a dog, without any recourse to fate? He staked his all. I was looking at the wrong side of the exchange. Lilly didn’t need to change her view. Hisao had to grasp a once in a lifetime chance. All he had to do was  show in uncertain terms he could not – would not - live without her.

Owner Of A Lonely Heart: Rin

 

My second route was Rin. See, when I first played Act 1, I fell for her wry humor. I mean: “The end of the world as we know it. Like every weekend. Only more dire.” Behind that disconnected façade, there was a vital person with an incredible gift. I wanted to meet that person and tell her it’s OK, don’t worry. I’m here.

Which is, like, exactly what “I” (Hisao) am doing. The problem is that Rin’s route is taking  a turn for the serious way too soon. That dubious, pink-spectacled art professor Nomiya starts pushing her to open a personal exhibition. Rin starts retreating into her shell when the pressure is on. The script calls for Hisao to throw his weight around with Rin, and push her against better judgment to do it. It’s not something I enjoyed doing. It was too much strain, too soon. In retrospect, though, it may have been the right time to make a bad choice. During Act 1, we’ve been fed the false lead that Lilly takes care of Hanako, and Emi takes care of Rin. The former is largely correct, the latter – a whole lot less. Emi is … busy being Emi. She can wake Rin up, check If she’s eating enough, call up medical attention when Rin is under the weather. But it kinda stops there. Rin is weirding her out with the strange talk and apparent lack of coherence. When it gets too much, she bolts. So being Hisao, and being on Rin’s case, is ultimately helping. Sort of.

Meanwhile, though, Rin goes Weirdsville – meaning she’s trying to mature as an artist overnight. Because she doesn’t know how to change her art – her art-making process is something like a visual stream of consciousness – she feels she has to change herself to change the art. Thus, she tries to ‘destroy’ herself by stripping away the few things that make up the current Rin, to liberate a better Rin. The theory is hokey of course, and it’s not faring well being put in practice. What Rin gets is a lot of disorientation, AND alienating the one good friend she has – obviously Hisao. The fact that Rin isn’t very articulate when under stress – and the weird path she chose to walk towards her goal – are composing Hisao’s frustration step by step, until he feels like throwing in the towel. She won’t accept his love. She won’t accept his presence. She can not, or will not, explain how he can help. So he sort of gives up on her, halfway, but then his conscience won’t let him. That would be when he hears what happened to the artist whose studio Rin is inhabiting. He finds her more lost than ever, in the middle of a sad attempt at self comforting. The adult scene that follows is … marginally less sad, but still pretty hollow.

Well, I’ve surprised myself here by being a lot more dispassionate than I felt when playing the route. You see, I know about that weird disconnection thing. I’ve done it myself. I have the creative bug. Sometimes, when the muse comes calling, there’s just no space for anything else in my mind. So I tell the world to go hang, I’m busy with an Idea over here. I don’t know how long it will take to exorcise. I haven’t been shown often what happens to people caring for artists; I might say I'm enlightened now.

Things come crashing down when Rin has her opening night. If Hisao keeps pushing – it’s like a sick joke, like telling her to get up there and perform – she will just fade away into the indifferent ending. Hisao is left feeling like the tool he’s been, while Rin leaves for art college. That route has ‘early burnout’ stamped all over it. If he relents, Rin has a chance to unwind into a more tolerable version – but Hisao still acts like a tool, raving at her for not being happy with the choice she made (under pressure, and with bad counseling). And then, at the end of a lot of tension, comes the puzzling second adult scene. Well, it’s not that puzzling: this is makeup sex. And Rin proves that she can talk straight when it counts. On one hand, it’s such wretched timing, but on the other, she came to give him the answer he wanted. It’s a mess. It’s bliss. It’s … something only Rin can pull off like that.

 (Something to do with Emi and helping breasts fit in a bra. Wisecracking Rin is back, huzzah!)

Yeah, but how about the mutual healing? Rin’s lack of hands is so inconsequential. It’s like she wouldn’t even need them … except for peeling oranges. And hugging. Her eccentricity isn’t a disease, even if it drives other people slightly mad. She’s not high maintenance, despite Hisao’s frequent fussing. She just needs someone to bridge the gap. It’s not always a fordable gap, but if someone will wait for her on this side, she won’t feel so alone on the other side. And Hisao … he learned to care for someone else than himself. It's the first step on a long road, but he finally took it. The final scene – the dandelion motes flying away – is a little heavy on the symbolism, but it ends on such an open note. 

 I guess it’s love.